The strongest gift I was ever given
was not made of metal or stone or anything
I could even hold in my hands
It was wrapped in love and covered in hope
It was the worst part
of growing up and the best part
of letting go

It was the inspiration, and the encouragement
And the most sincere shove off of the
terrifying edge of all that is sure and certain and planned
Into the vastness of the unknown without a map or instructions
or the simple how-to
from parents or friends or books

The strongest gift I was ever given was
The courage to be myself, even if that means being
lost in a world
trying to find my own answers, walking down
a path that I, first, have to clear
And it is a scary journey- a thousand, a million moments
of what ifs and how comes and what is even
going on? And the best part is- I have no idea

But the strongest gift I was ever given was the grace to finally accept that
maybe “I don’t know” is just the first step of my journey that I do know
Will be absolutely chaotic and messy and beautiful
and liberating
A life full of days of maybe I don’t know much
at all

Except that the strongest gift
I was ever given was this pure passion to change the world
wrapped in love and covered in hope and drenched
in grace and absolutely full, overwhemlingly full, with something that falls so far
away from words

And I hope the strongest gift you’re ever given
Is the ability to say, to shout, to celebrate:
It is well with my soul
That your life is enriched, every single day with the simple thought that
There is joy everywhere we go, that the universe knows
Even when we have absolutely no idea
and for me
That is often, more than enough

And so I may not know much but I do know that I refuse
to settle for the easy path and to be content
with the mediocrity we often find
inside our box because
The strongest gift I could ever give
is outside of my comfort zone, alongside my fears
free-falling into a life that people will write
books upon books about because that is for sure
what I am worth. And there is one more thing of which
I am absolutely certain

So are you

so0o i’m really talented at updating this regularly?……..that is incorrect but i wish i was!! there are so many blogs i stumble upon (.com, not literally) and i want to write and write and write. but then when i have free time here i am either sweating, napping or playing luxor quest so metaphorical sunshine rarely gets on the list. but i think i should change that so i might just post great things. starting now.

so last night we got back from our travels. i spent 3 days in paris and 5 in amsterdam with some of my favorite people. it was an adventure to say the least and i loved it all. hahahaha so much. there are lots of stories and funny things but i’ll tell you later. right now i have a different story so here goes. hi. tonight i walked a lot of places. because i don’t have my bike…( i’ll tell that story later too). but when i walk i like to think. so i was walking and i was thinking and all of a sudden i stepped in poop and then i realized i spilled food all over me. and then i started sweating because i was frantically searching for napkins in my bag (why would i carry those?) and i had stopped walking so the wind also stopped breezing around me so naturally in lecce i was just warm. anyways after i didn’t find napkins and i tried to love the fact that i stepped in poop, i started thinking about my life since i flew to rome. and in the past 5 weeks there hasn’t been a time where i haven’t been happy. i mean definitely there have been moments when i’ve been irritated for a couple minutes or frustrated a little, but most of the time i am trying to stop sweating and i don’t even think i can legitimately complain about that because… i’m in lecce, italy. soooo! i am welcoming sweatsession part II with open arms.

my tangents that i go off on are absolutely interesting. so maybe a raincheck on updating this regularly because these are novels. anyways!!! sometimes i can’t believe how happy i am here. and it’s not because i’m a sad person it’s just because… wow… this is bliss. there have been so many moments in the past month when i have taken a deep breath and felt so incredibly content. and liberated. i find clarity everyday in i don’t even know what. it has been a humbling and fulfilling and overflowing experience. i wish i had the right words to tell you how my heart feels. i don’t but all i know is that it’s not heavy. and i know a lot of people’s hearts are. i think we like to complicate our lives and weigh ourselves down with worries and problems and insignificant possessions. and build giant walls because that’s easier than letting go of all the stuff we’re holding on to. and stuff is really all it is. and our walls keep us safe and feeling okay with being miserable. and we grow complacent and settle with sadness, always comparing and contrasting and thinking about the life we’re living instead of actually just living it. how exhausting. re-reading that just made me tired. the good news is there’s so much more than me and my money and my clothes and my wants and my problems. there’s so much more in this world and i haven’t even seen a teeny tiny fraction of it. but i have experienced beautiful places and wonderful people. i know what it’s like to love and to be loved and to laugh so hard you can’t breathe and to feel connected to this earth. to hug a stranger and want to cry not because i’m upset but because i am so overwhelmingly happy and grateful. to feel at home even though i am nowhere near home. i know what it’s like to be standing in a foreign country with thousands of people moving everywhere and somehow, feel centered. i am learning how to be okay with just being. and to realize that i will never ever ever understand all there is to understand. and i hope if you’re reading this, you realize that too. and if your heart is heavy or you feel less than happy or unoriginal or empty, i hope you will love yourself like other people love you because i think that is the only way to be whole. and now i’m rambling and my direction is lost but that’s okay. i’ve learned that life never (evereverever) goes how i expect it, but regardless of what happens i am constantly reminded in some way that i’m definitely on the right path. so i have no idea what the next week or the next month will be like, but to tell you the truth, i haven’t even thought about it. all i know right now is that i have seen incredible countries and met amazing people. i am happy and i am loved and i have almost peed at least 26 times from laughing so hard. what a magical life